Frequent Inaccuracies

…or: “How to be a dick about praise”…

I have been very, very fortunate that this show has been so overwhelmingly positively received.  And for this I am delighted and grateful – in fact, I’m pretty chuffed people bother writing anything about my show, after all my years of doing shows that flew under the zeitgeisty radar.

However.  I am also a pedant.  And while I have taken great pains to be factually accurate while not boring you rigid in my show, not everyone who has written about my show has done the same.

My writing buddy Pete Lead thinks I should put together some “fun facts” to address these issues.  His suggestion is:

Fact: One of you will make an error while writing your (glowing) review of LadyNerd.
Fact: I will read that review.
Fact: I will scream.
Fact: I will find you.
Fact: You cannot hide.
Fact: You will not scream; you will not have time.

I’m not sure this Dexter-style approach is exactly the one I want to take, apt though the sentiment may be.  But perhaps I could do a “Frequent Inaccuracies” page.  It would go something like this:

  • Read these letters carefully: K-E-I-R-A.  Not Keria.  Not Kiera…
  • Read these letters carefully: D-A-L-E-Y.  Not Daly.  Not Daily.  Not Dailey.  Not Darley.  Not Xsfgliz…
  • It’s Ada Lovelace, not Linda.  If there’s any connection between the world’s first computer programmer and the deep throated pioneer, I’m sure it’s fascinating but I hazard a guess that it may not be pertinent.
  • Ada Lovelace is daughter of Lord Byron, not John Keats.  I hate Keats (and apparently so did Byron).  Ode On A Grecian BLERG.
  • One Of The Boys, as sung in my show, is by Dolly Parton, not Katy Perry.  Good lord, throw me a fricken bone here…
  • If you are super happy that, finally, someone (me) has got up on stage and whinged about apostrophe misuse – hooray!  I am super happy too – camaraderie, nerd power, etc.  But I would advise you to get your work proofread – everyone makes mistakes and this is why those smart, professionally pedantic people called sub-editors have their work cut out for them.  Every.  Goddamn.  Day.
  • If you see fit to question facts and figures in my show, that’s great – I want to be accurate and if I’m wrong, please correct (la, la, la).  But if you do, make sure you’re right or I will be a know-it-all douche about it.  Why?  Because all it takes is a few minutes on Google to work out whether you have a case or not.  The internet is more amazing than the top of your head – why not use it?

So… I guess you’re all put off writing anything about my show now that I’ve been such a dick about it.  Sorry about that.  No, I really am sorry.  Hey, wait, come back!  I totally need your approval – even if it’s unperfect.